Diction and Conciseness

What is Diction?
Levels of Diction
Choosing the Appropriate Level of Diction
Less Is More: Be Concise
Three Ways to Write Concise Sentences

What is Diction?
Ms Jessica Simpson is a talented singer and actress, and she has used her aptitudes and
eminence to aid her in her humanitarian efforts. Her philanthropic work often pertains to social
issues such as homelessness and domestic violence. I had the great honour and privilege of
meeting Ms Simpson in New York City. It was clear from her friendly demeanour that she has not
been corrupted by her status as a celebrity. Instead, she is an inspirational force in the lives of
many young women. She projects an inner beauty in addition to her stunning and strong physical
features.

September 15, 2010 was an unforgettable day, one that has made a significant impact on
my life. It was the day that I had the opportunity to meet Jessica Simpson, a woman I greatly
admire for her inspirational achievements. Meeting Ms Simpson made me feel like a true New
Yorker because if I didnt live in New York City, it would not have been possible.

September 15, 2010 will never be forgotten in my brain. I cannot wait for another chance
to meet the totally awesome Jessica Simpson. She is looked up to by many, young and old.
Meeting her really made me feel as if I am a true New Yorker. I would have never been able to do
that if I didnt live in New York City. It was unforgettable! I told her that I was the biggest fan
and crazy in love with her. She is drop dead gorgeous, and I want to be just like that girl!
These three selections are very different because of their words. In all forms of literature
nonfiction, fiction, poetry and drama authors choose particular words to convey effect and
meaning to the reader. Writers employ diction, or word choice, to communicate ideas and
impressions, to evoke emotions and to convey their view of truth to the reader.
According to the Concise Oxford Dictionary of Literary Terms diction is a writers choice
of words. Since words have specific meanings, and since ones choice of words can affect
feelings, a writers choice of words can have great impact in a written work. Diction affects the
clarity and impact of the message. Therefore, the diction in a specific writing situation depends
on context: audience, purpose, and tone. The word choice a writer makes determines the reader's
reaction to the object of description, and contributes to the author's style and tone.
Language is the primary conductor between the brain and the minds of the audience.
Ineffective language weakens and distorts ideas. If a writer wants to be understood, and his/her
ideas to spread, using effective language must be the top priority of every person involved in the
process of writing, regardless of which functional style the written text belongs to. In the modern
world of business and politics this is hardly ever the case. In many instances, imprecise language
is used intentionally to avoid taking a position and offending various demographics.

Levels of Diction

Levels of usage refer to the kind of situation in which a word is normally used. Most
words suit all occasions. Some, however, are restricted to formal, literary contexts and others to
informal, colloquial ones. Consider three verbs which roughly mean the same thing: exacerbate,
annoy, bug. Talking among your friends, you would not be likely to say, "That person really
exacerbated me." On the other hand, describing a historical episode you wouldn't write, "The
Spartan demands bugged the Athenians." But you could use annoy on both occasions, without
arousing derision in either friends or readers of your work. The three words differ considerably
in their levels of usage. Exacerbate is a literary word, appropriate to formal occasions. Bug (in

this sense) is a colloquial, even slang, term appropriate to speech and very informal writing.
Annoy is an all-purpose word, suitable for any occasion.
Further, there are some other examples of synonyms that belong to different levels of
diction:
Formal

Standard

Informal

edify
optate
beguile

learn
choose
mislead

wise up
pick out
jerk your chain

Diction is measured from formal to informal language usage. Formal diction is marked
by multi-syllable words, long sentences, and a formal tone; informal diction includes shorter
words and sentences and a less formal tone. Neither level of diction (or any levels in between) is
good or bad; rather, each is appropriate in different writing situations. Any of the four
generally accepted levels of dictionformal, informal, colloquial, or slangmay be correct in a
particular context but incorrect in another or when mixed unintentionally. The following chart
shows the levels of diction and when each is used.
Formal Diction
Less Formal/Standard Diction
Informal Diction
Multi-syllable words
Educated language
Everyday words
Legal documents
Job application letters
Magazine articles
Technical reports
CVs
Notes to friends
Scientific articles
Sales and marketing letters
Everyday e-mails
1. Elevated diction
The most elevated level of diction has abstract language, a serious tone, few personal
references, few contractions, and considerable distance implied between reader and writer. It is
used for the most formal documents such as stock offerings, land deeds, formal sermons, and
technical articles.
The following selection is from Jonathan Edwards famous sermon Sinners in the Hands
of an Angry God, delivered in the early eighteenth century. The words are part of an educated
persons vocabulary. Examples of elevated diction include wrath (great anger), inconceivable
(cannot be imagined), and abhor (detest). There are many figures of speech, such as the two
imaginative comparisons. The first, a metaphor, compares Gods anger to a bow and arrow: The
bow of Gods wrath is bent, and the arrow made ready on the string, and justice bends the arrow
at your heart and strains the bow. . . . The second, a simile, compares humans to spiders: The
God that holds you over the pit of hell much as one holds a spider or some loathsome insect . . .
The wrath of God is like great waters that are dammed for the present; they increase
more and more and rise higher and higher, till an outlet is given; and the longer the stream is
stopped, the more rapid and mighty is its course when once it is let loose. Tis true that judgment
against your evil work has not been executed hitherto; the floods of Gods vengeance have been
withheld; but your guilt in the meantime is constantly increasing, and you are every day
treasuring up more wrath; the waters are continually rising and waxing more and more mighty;
and there is nothing but the mere pleasure of God that holds the waters back, that are unwilling
to be stopped, and press hard to go forward. If God should only withdraw his hand from the
floodgate, it would immediately fly open, and the fiery floods of the fierceness and wrath of God
would rush forth with inconceivable fury, and would come upon you with omnipotent power; and
if your strength were ten thousand times greater than it is, yea, ten thousand times greater than
the strength of the stoutest, sturdiest devil in hell, it would be nothing to withstand or endure it.
The bow of Gods wrath is bent, and the arrow made ready on the string, and justice
bends the arrow at your heart and strains the bow, and it is nothing but the mere pleasure of

God, and that of an angry God, without any promise or obligation at all, that keeps the arrow
one moment from being made drunk with your blood.
The God that holds you over the pit of hell much as one holds a spider or some loathsome
insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked; his wrath toward you burns like
fire. . . .
2. Standard English
The language used in most academic and professional writing is called Edited English
or Standard Written English. Such language conforms to the widely established rules of
grammar, sentence structure, usage, punctuation, and spelling. During the 18th and 19th
centuries, publishers and educationalists defined a set of grammatical and lexical features which
they regarded as correct, and the variety characterized by these features later came to be known
as Standard English. Since English had, by the 19th century, two centres, Standard English came
to exist in two varieties: British and US. These were widely different in pronunciation, very close
in grammar, and characterized by small but noticeable differences in spelling and vocabulary.
There were thus two more or less equally valid varieties of Standard English - British Standard
and US Standard. . . . "It is important to realize that standard English is in no way intrinsically
superior to any other variety of English: in particular, it is not 'more logical,' 'more grammatical,'
or 'more expressive.' It is, at bottom, a convenience: the use of a single agreed standard form,
learned by speakers everywhere, minimizes uncertainty, confusion, misunderstanding and
communicative difficulty generally." (R.L. Trask, Dictionary of English Grammar. Penguin,
2000). Standard English is frequently viewed as the English language, which inevitably leads to
the opinion that other varieties of English are some kind of deviation from the norm, the
deviation being due to laziness, ignorance or lack of intelligence. However, Standard English is
only one variety among many, although a peculiarly important one. Linguistically speaking, it
cannot legitimately be considered better than other varieties. The scientific study of language has
proved that all languages and correspondingly all dialects are equally good as linguistic systems.
All varieties of a language are structured, complex, rule-governed systems which are wholly
adequate for the needs of their speakers. Therefore, judgements concerning the correctness and
purity of linguistic varieties are social rather than linguistic. There is nothing inherent in nonstandard varieties which makes them inferior. Attitudes towards non-standard dialects are
attitudes which reflect the social structure of society.
3. Colloquial language
Next comes colloquial language, the level of diction characteristic of casual conversation
and informal writing. The following joke shows the difference between standard diction and
colloquial language. Notice the contractions and the use of the word buddies.
Three buddies die in a car crash and go to heaven for orientation. Theyre all asked,
When youre in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to
hear them say about you?
The first guy says, Id like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family
man.
The second guy says, Id like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and teacher who
made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.
The last guy replies, Id like to hear them say . . . Look, hes moving!
Other frequently examples of colloquial language are the following:
1. I'm gonna go down to the beach. You wanna come?
I am going to go down to the beach. Do you want to come?
2. Ain't that strange?
Isn't that strange?
3. Ain't these doo whoppers unusual?
Aren't these things unusual?
4. I dunno where we're meeting up tomorrow.
I don't know where we're meeting tomorrow.
I do not know where we are meeting tomorrow.

5. Danny was as tough as nails. Danny was very tough.

4. Slang
Less formal than colloquial language is slang, coined words and phrases or new
meanings for established terms. Slang words depend on the language used, country or area,
ethnic background, subculture, and specific occupation or part of society - in other words,
everyone has their own slang. Some recent slang includes the words dweeb (someone who is
weak, slightly strange, and not popular or fashionable), nerd (someone who seems only
interested in computers and other technical things), doofus (incompetent, foolish, or stupid
person). Slang is fun, informal, and great for casual conversations with friends. Slang is never
used in formal writing.
Some common British slang terms that would be recognized across the country include:
Bobby - police officer
Dosh, Ackers - money
Good Egg/ Bad Egg - moral person/immoral person
Bloke, Chap - man
Mad - insane
Chuffed - pleased, happy
Bags - claiming something because you are first to say so
Whinge - to complain or whine
Pissed - drunk
Spud - potato
Fag - cigarette
Quid- pound money
Bird - girl
5. Vernacular
Vernacular is the form of a language that a regional or other group of speakers use
naturally, especially in informal situations. It is the native language or native dialect of a specific
population, as opposed to a language of wider communication that is a second language or
foreign language to the population, such as a national language, standard language, or lingua
franca. Dialect, the language specific to a particular regional area or social class, is a type of
vernacular. It is different from slang because dialect reflects differences in regions and
socioeconomic status. Like colloquial language and slang, vernacular and dialect are not
appropriate for formal writing.
Here is how the novelist and humourist Mark Twain used vernacular and dialect to
describe the people and events in the American West in the 1880s. This excerpt is from Twains
Life on the Mississippi.
Say, Jim, Im a-goin home for a few days.
What for?
Well, I haint ben there for a right smart while and Id like to see who things are comin
on.
How long are you going to be gone?
Bout two weeks.
Some other examples of vernacular used by Mark Twain are the following:
1. 'feller' instead of 'fellow.'
2. 'solittry' instead of 'solitary.'
3. 'anywheres' instead of 'anywhere.'
5. 'dangdest' slang expressing annoyance or dislike.

Choosing the Appropriate Level of Diction

Here are some guidelines that will help to select the corresponding level of diction:
1. Words that are accurate, suitable, and familiar will be used.

_ Accurate words say what one means.

_ Suitable words convey the tone and fit with the other words in ones writing.
_ Familiar words are easy to read and understand.
2. The precise word will be chosen.
English is one of the richest languages in the world, one that offers many different ways
to say the same thing. Words must be selected carefully to convey the thoughts vividly and
precisely. Words with the precise meanings must be selected. For example, blissful, blithe,
cheerful, contented, gay, joyful, and gladdened all mean happyyet each one conveys a
different shade of meaning.
3. Specific rather than general words will be used.
Specific words give readers more vivid mental pictures than general words. Sometimes
simple action verbs such as run and go will be appropriate to the subject, audience, and tone.
Other times, however, more specific words will be necessary to make the meaning clear.
4. Words with the appropriate connotations will be chosen.
To be successful at choosing exact words for each particular context, the denotation and
connotation of words will be considered. Every word has a denotation, its explicit meaning. The
denotation of a word can be found by looking it up in a dictionary. For example, the word fat in
the dictionary will have the following explanation: weighing too much because you have too
much flesh on your body. Some words also have connotations, or emotional overtones. These
connotations can be positive, negative, or neutral. For example, fat has a negative connotation in
our fitness-obsessed society. Being sensitive to a words denotation and connotation is essential
for clear and effective writing. It can also help to use the right word and so avoid insulting
someone. Finally, these connotations can be used to createor defusean emotional response in
the reader.
Here are some additional examples of connotation and denotation:
Word
Positive Connotation
Negative Connotation
average
thrifty
agreeable
caring
daring
deliberate
talkative

traditional
economical
amiable, easy-going
concerned
bold
careful
loquacious

mediocre, passable
cheap, tight- fisted
servile
prying, meddlesome
defiant, reckless
slow
verbose

Less Is More: Be Concise

Heres a piece of writing advice from a letter Mark Twain wrote to a student named D.W.
Bowser: "I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is
the way to write English--it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don't let fluff and
flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but
kill most of them--then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together.
They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery
habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice." (Mark Twain,
Letter to D. W. Bowser, March 1880).
His words still ring true. Readers can benefit from plain language and clear sentences. We
tend to get carried away describing our activity, products and services, but adjectives often
distract from what we are trying to say. Twains note is a reminder to get to the point and
eliminate fluff during the proofreading process. Before submitting your work, ask yourself: Is
every word meaningful? Are the sentences concise? Is the message clear?
Words like really and very are rarely useful. Twain famously said to substitute
damn every time you are inclined to write very; your editor or teacher will delete it and the
writing will be just as it should be

The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr., and E. B. White is probably the most
famous writing book of our time. This slender little volume contains this advice: omit needless
words. Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a
paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no
unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all
his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every
word tell (The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr.).
An effective writing style shows an economy of language. When needless words are
omitted, redundancy is omitted the unnecessary repetition of words and ideas. Wordy writing
forces the readers to clear away unnecessary words and phrases before they can understand the
message.
Here are some redundant phrases and their concise revisions:
Redundant
at this point in time
fatally killed
foreign imports
live and breathe
most unique
proceed ahead
revert back
successfully escaped
true facts
at the present time
because of the fact that
completely surrounded on all sides
due to the fact that
experience some discomfort
for the purpose of
free up some space
in the event that
in order to utilize
in order to
in view of the fact that
is an example of
it is believed by many that
making an effort to
my personal physician
reiterated over and over again
thunderstorm activity
until such time as
weather event
12 midnight
12 noon
3 am in the morning
in spite of the fact that
personally, I think/feel
personal opinion
summarize briefly
advance forward
advance planning

Concise
now
killed
imports
live
unique
proceed
revert
escaped
facts (or truth)
now
because
surrounded
because
hurt
for
make room
if
to use
to
because
is
many believe
trying to
my doctor
repeated
thunderstorm
until
snow (rain, etc.)
midnight
noon
3 am
although
I think/feel
opinion
summarize
advance
planning

Conciseness describes writing that is direct and to the point. This is not to say that one
has to pare away (to reduce) all description, figures of speech, and images. No. Rather, it is to
say that wordy writing annoys the readers because it forces them to slash their way through the
sentences before they can understand what is written. Writing concise and effective sentences
requires far more effort than writing verbose and confusing sentences. Fortunately, the readers
will appreciate the writers efforts.
Hemingway receives credit as the inventor of the six word story. Supposedly, fellow
writers challenged him to write a story in only six words. Subsequently, he produced, For sale:
baby shoes, never worn. The short phrase, though lacking many elements of traditional stories,
did, in a sense, possess a beginning, middle, and end. Hemingway, according to legend, won the
bet. Flash fiction and sudden fiction are labels that are applied to this style of literature. Here
are some other examples of six-word stories picked up from the Internet:

Born a twin; Graduated only child

Sorry, soldier, shoes sold in pairs.
Paramedics finished her text, "...love you."

Three Ways to Write Concise Sentences

The following rules will help to create succinct, effective sentences.
1. Unneeded words and phrases must be eliminated.
2. Sentences that repeat information must be combined.
3. The same thing will not be said twice.
Lets look at each of these rules more closely.
1. Unneeded words and phrases must be eliminated.
Filler words are empty words and phrases that add nothing to the sentences. Filler words
are used to fill space and make writing sound official. Unfortunately, many filler words have
become so commonplace that we accept them as part of an effective style. Since they are not
good writing, it is important to cut them from the documents. Filler words come in different parts
of speech, as the following chart shows.
Part of Speech
Sample Filler Words
Adjectives
main, excellent, good, major, nice
Adverbs

basically, central, major, quite, really, very, in fact, due to the fact
that, in the process of

Noun

area, aspect, case, character, element, factor, field, kind, nature,

quality, scope, situation, sort, thing, type

Heres how filler words look in context:

Wordy: Harris took a relaxing type of vacation.
Better: Harris took a relaxing vacation.
Wordy: His comment was of an offensive nature.
Better: His comment was offensive.
Wordy: Work crews arrived for the purpose of digging new power lines.
Better: Work crews arrived to dig new power lines.
Wordy: Regardless of the fact that a thunderstorm activity is not predicted for tomorrow,
in view of the fact that it is cloudy, you should take your umbrella anyway.
Better: Although a thunderstorm is not predicted for tomorrow, because it is cloudy, you
should take your umbrella.
Wordy: In the event that we do have a weather event, you will be prepared in a very real
sense.
Better: If it does rain, you will be prepared.

These phrases will be eliminated as well: the point I am trying to make, as a matter of
fact, in a very real sense, in the case of, that is to say, to get to the point, what I mean to say, in
fact.
2. Sentences that repeat information must be combined.
Sentences can be combined to achieve clarity. First, look for sentences that contain the
same information or relate to the same ideas and so logically belong together. Then combine the
related sentences. Finally, cut any words that just take up space and add nothing to the meaning.
Here are some examples
Wordy: Mr. Drucker gave his students the assignment of a math problem. The problem
called for adding a series of numbers. The numbers contained real and imaginary integers.
Better: Mr. Drucker assigned his students a math problem that called for adding real and
imaginary integers.
Wordy: There is strong evidence to suggest that there is only one difference between
highly successful people and the rest of us. It is highly successful people who apply themselves
with determination to a task.
Better: Evidence suggests that the only difference between highly successful people and
the rest of us is their ability to apply themselves with determination to a task.
3. The same thing will not be said twice.
Phrases such as cover over, circle around, and square in shape are redundantthey
say the same thing twice.
Wordy: We hope and trust that you show insight and vision because it is fitting and
proper that you do so.
Better: We hope that you show insight because it is fitting that you do so.
Wordy: I am completely upset by the extremely dangerous situation, and, in light of the
fact that I think this is basically a terrible tragedy, I am not sure what the eventual outcome will
be.
Better: I am upset by the dangerous situation; since this is a tragedy, I am not sure what
the outcome will be.
Wordy: We watched the big, massive, dark black cloud rising up from the level prairie and
covering over the sun.
Better: We watched the massive black cloud rising from the prairie and covering the sun.
Wordy: The package, rectangular in shape, was on the counter.
Better: The rectangular package was on the counter.

Exercises
Exercise 1. Are the following statements true or false? Correct the false ones.
1. Neither formal nor informal diction (or any levels in between) is good or bad; rather,
each is appropriate in different writing situations.
2. Colloquial language is the level of diction characteristic of casual conversation and
informal writing.
3. More formal than colloquial language is slang, coined words and phrases or new meanings
for established terms.
4. Like colloquial language and slang, vernacular and dialect are very appropriate for formal
writing.
5. Familiar words are easy to read and understand, which makes them a good choice for most
everyday writing that you do.
6. Use general rather than specific words to convey your meaning accurately.
7. Some words also have connotations, or emotional overtones.
8. A words connotations can be positive but are rarely negative or neutral.
9. As a general rule, effective writing style shows an economy of language.
10. The phrase at this point in time is redundant.
Exercise 2. Select the word that best completes each sentence.
1. (Conciseness, Diction) is a writers choice of words.
2. Diction is measured from formal to (informal, academic) language usage.
3. Legal documents are an example of (formal diction, informal diction).
4. (CVs, Notes to friends) are usually written with informal diction.
5. The language standards used in most academic and professional writing is called Edited
English or (Standard Written English, Vernacular).
6. (Formal diction, Slang) is fun, informal, and great for casual conversations with friends,
but it is never used in formal writing.
7. (Vernacular, Connotation) is the ordinary language of a particular region, such as grinder,
sub, or hero for an oversized sandwich.
8. (Dialect, Denotation), the language specific to a particular regional area, is a type of
vernacular.
9. Use words that are accurate, suitable, and (fancy, familiar).
10. Every word has a (connotation, denotation), its explicit meaning that can be found in a
dictionary.
11. (Connotation, Redundancy) is the unnecessary repetition of words and ideas, when a
writer says the same thing repeatedly in different words.
12. (Denotation, Filler words) are empty words and phrases that add nothing to your writing.
Exercise 3. Revise these sentences to state their meaning in fewer words. Avoid
passive voice, needless repetition, and wordy phrases and clauses.
1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help
support his family.
2. There are many ways in which a student who is interested in meeting foreign students may
come to know one.
3. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose.
4. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of
all.
5. A campus rally was attended by more than a thousand students. Five students were arrested
by campus police for disorderly conduct, while several others are charged by campus
administrators with organizing a public meeting without being issued a permit to do so.
6. The subjects that are considered most important by students are those that have been
shown to be useful to them after graduation.

7. In the not too distant future, college freshmen must all become aware of the fact that there
is a need for them to make contact with an academic adviser concerning the matter of a
major.
8. In our company there are wide-open opportunities for professional growth with a company
that enjoys an enviable record for stability in the dynamic atmosphere of aerospace
technology.
Exercise 4. Combine each sentence group into one concise sentence.
1. The cliff dropped to reefs seventy-five feet below. The reefs below the steep cliff were
barely visible through the fog.
2. Their car is gassed up. It is ready for the long drive. The drive will take all night.
3. Sometimes Stan went running with Blanche. She was a good athlete. She was on the track
team at school.
4. Taylor brought some candy back from Europe. It wasn't shaped like American candy. The
candy tasted somewhat strange to him.
5. Government leaders like to mention the creation of new jobs. They claim that these new
jobs indicate a strong economy. They don't mention that low-wage jobs without benefits and
security have replaced many good jobs.
Exercise 5. In the following sentences underline the redundant expression, and
then revise the sentences to eliminate redundancy.
1. Her handbag was square in shape.
2. Detectives search for the true facts in an investigation.
3. The consensus of opinion on the basic fundamentals created the shortest meeting of the
year.
4. If you refer back to the day of March 18 at eight oclock in the morning, you will recall
seeing a woman wearing a dress that was red in colour gather together her belongings before
crossing the street.
5. Even though she had performed the operation a numerous number of times, she still
reviewed the basic essentials each and every day.
6. The first priority appears to be to group together the children that live in close proximity to
one another.
7.The local residents filled to capacity the new auditorium as they waited to hear the
developer recount the past history of the archaeological site.
8. Advance planning can avoid total destruction of a historical site.
9. Fruit at Winn Dixie may possibly be cheaper in cost than fruit at Publix, but nevertheless it
is of poorer quality.
10. In my personal opinion, we should refer back to last years budget to see how we
postponed that expenditure until a later time.
11. Physical aerobic exercise is recommended for healthy hearts.
12. Conrad sold houses in a large 600-acre housing development.
13. Modern antiques that have been made recently have been offered at high prices.
14. Last of all, I would like to completely finish this exercise before I go to bed.
15. Although my future plans are uncertain, I intend to adhere to my basic and fundamental
belief that humans were meant to be lazy.
Exercise 6. What is your opinion of Mark Twains and William Strunks
recommendations for writing concisely and effectively in English? Write a list of
guidelines based on what you have read in this lecture on writing concisely and
effectively in English.
Exercise 7. Write a six-word story and read it to your fellow students. Have they
understood the message of your story?